My Problems with the Female Species

I wish my parents had warned me about women. Man, I just can’t stand when girls take 4,837,649 hours to get ready to go anywhere. Why bother with makeup and all that jazz? If I care anything about you as a person, it’s not going to matter to me what you look like. So quit with the caking on the makeup with a butter knife, ladies. It’s not attractive in the least. I don’t care what clothes you wear or how your hair is fixed. If I’ve paid attention to you for this long, I like you! Brush your teeth and let’s go!Why insist on asking a billion questions? It seems like they want to know ever single thing I did that day. Can’t, “The usual, same old, same old,” do? There are some things that need to be kept to yourself always. You always need your “me” time, but some girls don’t understand that. (Thank you to all who do.) I can’t spend every spare second of my time with my significant other. Although I may want to spend time with you, I can’t afford you all of it. One of my biggest pet-peeves about women is the cling-factor. If I was into being clung to, I’d wear tighter clothes.Every thought that passes through your mind doesn’t have to be vocalized. Stop asking me what I am thinking – if I’m not talking I am either a) listening, b) quietly reflecting on the topic at hand, or c) not paying attention to anything you have said within the last five blah-blah minutes. Sorry, but it’s true. Drama is a big thing. With all the vicious gossip that goes around with women these days, it’s a wonder they have time for anything else. Can we not just be chill and mellow and get along? This ain’t Mean Girls, ladies. Wow. I’m sure I’ll never get a date again after this article prints. As much as I have a “can’t live with em’, can’t live without em'” feeling about the female species, I do love them. Strong, independent, feminists breaking down the barriers of gender stereotypes are so hot! Not all women have irritated me with taking too long to get ready or giving me the third degree. Keep it up, ladies – you make my world go ’round!