Oh, sure, we all claim to speak the same language, but everyone in the know happens to know that men and women may as well be living on different hemispheres when it comes to certain things. What follows are some of the most confusing, perplexing and otherwise insane things that men and women (or women and women or men and men) say to each other, followed by translations. Everyone’s favorite Editor-in-Chief, Margaret Hester, will be translating for the ladies and, for the men, everyone’s favorite person in general (yours truly) will be deciphering. So, without further adieu, let’s get started.

“I’ll call you.”Gals: “I’m expecting a call within a day.”Guys: “I’ll call you.. eventually.”

“Fine!”Gals: “Do whatever you want, just ignore what I want.”Guys: “Great, once again we do what you want to do.”

“We need to talk.”Gals: “You’ve messed up and now we have to argue about it.”Guys: “I’m going to attempt to not hurt your feelings, but it’s over.”

“Nothing is wrong.”Gals: “I’m pissed.”Guys: “Emotions are for sissies.”

“Whatever!”Gals: “Fine!” (See above.)Guys: “Okay, you win, argument over, right?”

“We hooked up.”Gals: “We kissed. Maybe more.”Guys: “We had sex like twelve times and I was incredible.”

“I love you.”Gals: “I truly have feelings for you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.”Guys: “You just said ‘I love you’ to me.”

“Let’s hang out.”Gals: “Let’s do something to see how smooth you are.”Guys: “Let’s have sex like twelve times. Haha, just kidding. But we could. Just saying.”

“Be honest.”Gals: “You know the answer I want to hear. Choose your words wisely, but I’ll probably still be mad.Guys: “What’s his name? I’ll kill him!”

“I’m not mad.”Gals: “I’m mad.”Guys: “I’m mad.”

“Does this make me look fat?”Gals: “Tell me I look amazing.”Guys: “See how annoying it is when you ask me this?”

“What are you thinking about?”Gals: “I just want to know what’s on your mind, in general. But I am hoping you will say something nice about me. Or at least say you’re thinking of me.”Guys: “Are you mad?”

Silence. Utter, complete silence.Gals: “I’m either sad, mad or crying. Or if you’re lucky a combination of all three.”Guys: “I don’t have anything to say.”

So there you have it, a compilation of some of the most popular things that men and women say that don’t mean what you would think they mean. Or something along those lines. Of course (this is the disclaimer) there are exceptions to the rule and by no means do we mean to imply that these are absolute rules for men and women. In fact, I’m sure there are some people out there who just say what they mean at all times.

But I’ve never met them.