The J-Spot: Sex Educator on campus

On Monday, March 24th, certified sex educator, Jay Friedman, visited Western Carolina University to give a lecture on what Friedman refers to as a taboo topic.
    Friedman earned his bachelor’s degree from Cornell University and his Master’s degree from the University of Vermont.
    Friedman’s visit to campus was to provide sex information in a casual, comfortable and even comedic setting.
    According to Friedman, “Sex is fun to talk about. It is okay. When I was young and growing up, I was desperate for information.
    “I had to turn to magazines and such. We have a natural desire to learn about sex and we have a natural desire to enjoy sex,” said Friedman.  
    “I believe that sex is good and is something that should be talked about. I’m not here to preach to you that sex is dirty and evil, we get enough of that growing up,” said Friedman.
    “When I was growing up, the only sex education I got was in 10th grade when we had to watch a movie that showed the diseases and infections.
    “It was the scare tactic approach to sex,” said Friedman.  
    “It was supposed to scare us from ever wanting to do it. That doesn’t work. Instead, that approach leaves us ignorant and confused,” said Friedman.
    Freidman admitted that being a sex educator was not an easy job. Every job has its pros and cons.
    Friedman said, “Everyone has different opinions and values, that’s part of living in our great democracy, but it makes my job as a sex educator extremely challenging.
    “Many of my campus visits result in great controversy and even censorship.”
    Friedman not only teaches sex, but he teaches to take precautions and to know the right time to have sex.
    According to Friedman, “There are three conditions you must meet before you should have sex with someone.”
    He said, “The first is when you can affirm that person, when you know their name and are comfortable with them.
    “If you can’t gaze longingly into someone else’s eyes, you’re not ready to have sex with them. That is the intimacy part of love.”
    “The second condition is when you can accept responsibility.
Responsibility includes birth control if you need it, disease control if you need it, and obtaining consent,” said Friedman.
    “The third condition is when you can assure mutual pleasure. You aren’t in it for just your own pleasure, you also want to bring pleasure to the other person you are with,” said Friedman.
    Sex is not just for pleasure anymore, according to Friedman, sex is also used as a form of pressure.
    With regards to males, Friedman discusses pressures that make men always appear to be ready to have sex at a moments notice.
    Friedman said, “There are three pressures faced by men to have sex.
    “The first is locker-room talk. In this way, sex is viewed as a scoring mentality. When you have sex, you score. As a result we have many sexually transmitted infections near epidemic proportions and the U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy of any developed country in the world.”
    “This locker-room talk leads us to pressure number two, and that is homophobia. Homophobia is actually the fear of being perceived as gay. This is the greatest pressure we guys face growing up.
    “We even incorporate sexism with homophobia when we call boys girls,” continued Friedman.
    “That puts down half of our world’s population. Guys get called names and that makes them do things to prove their heterosexuality and masculinity,” said Friedman.
    “The third pressure is the myth of blue-balls. This is the sensation that when we’re sexually aroused, the blood in our bodies goes from our brain to our pelvis region and the myth is that if a guy doesn’t achieve maximum stimulation, he could explode. This is not true.”
    Friedman is an advocate for quality sex education in schools. He believes that everyone should get quality information about sex.
    According to Friedman, “Sex education in America today cripples people and makes them ignorant and confused. Sex and sex education are under tremendous attack in this country. I affirm abstinence, but an abstinence-only approach only cripples us and makes us sexually ignorant. Some of you may have grown up with this curricula that are full of misinformation and misleading slogans. In California a dictionary was pulled off the shelves in a high school because it contained the words fellatio and cunnilingus.”
    Friedman asked, “Where do you draw the line on the absurdity?
    “In Kentucky, ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ was removed from the middle school because one parent complained that at one point in the book Anne was going through puberty and made reference to her vagina.
    “One person can hold sex education hostage in this country,” said Friedman.
    Friedman concluded his lecture by giving tips to make preventative strategies more pleasurable and enjoying for all, some of which included shopping for the right method of contraceptives and being honest and communicating to your partner your needs and desires.
    He spoke about things applicable to students.
    Tara Peckham, student at WCU, admitted to never hearing about this type of sexual education in high school and agreed it would have been beneficial.
    Another WCU student, Kiy Morgan, also saw the event publicized in her dorm.
    “It was actually pretty nice. My friend and I had a conversation about this earlier, but this event was way more educated. It was good and I really enjoyed it,” said Morgan.
    For more information about Jay Friedman’s career or advice, you can go to and choose from a variety of subjects and topics.