POINTLESSNo Videos but Carson, Daily!

Who says MTV is no good? The channel that pioneered music wrapped in nice four-minute bundles has never looked better and the outstanding programming is the proof.

With such shows as Total Request Live (TRL) and Celebrity Cribs, who can argue that MTV used to be better than it is now? The 2001 MTV is sleek and easily understood. It’s all about seeing how many different ways you can get Britany Spears and Christina Aguilera to shake their groove things at the camera. Combined with a few other ideas, such as showing the WWF on Sunday nights–which, might I add, greatly increased the station’s credibility–MTV is sailing.

Now, I know that there have been many people who have complained about the lack of videos that MTV shows in its recent incarnation. Big hairy deal. What’s so big about videos? Okay, so the channel was founded on the basic idea that videos would be the main selling point, but videos are so lame. I mean, if I want to hear the song, I’ll just turn on the radio. Who needs all that artsy-fartsy conceptual stuff anyway? Afterall, MTV does show videos, you just have to find them. Like the other day, I was watching TRL and during the commercials there was an ad for a CD that had a bunch of videos all at once. And besides, we’d all much rather watch that really funny guy on TRL, oh what’s his name…Carson Daly!

Now THERE’S a talent! Seldom has a man done a better job of pretending to be so incompetent! Carson is so sly! Making that guy the cornerstone of the MTV marketing scheme was a real masterstroke. Give that guy a bonus!

For the people who just can’t seem to get around the lack of videos, there is that other network called MTV2. I hear they show some videos, but I haven’t watched it. I mean, come on, how could I risk missing the new installment in the DMX Diary?! Or worse, what if I missed the latest episode of UnderGrads?

Which leads to my next point: MTV is SO in tune with all us college kids. After all, we are just a bunch of horny twenty-somethings looking for the next kegger, aren’t we? We really can’t handle any thoughtfully put together, coherent programs, so it’s good that MTV is here to help us by boiling down all of our worries and cares into a few stereotyped characters and slogans. Thanks for looking out for us, MTV. We’re lucky to have a friend like you to explain all the important stuff.

It just blows my mind why some politicians are unwilling to do interviews or discuss topics with MTV reporters. MTV is a respectable, issue oriented entity with reporters who are just as qualified as those hacks at NBC. MTV has brought us some very timely and important shows like “The Making of Joe Dirt” and of course, the “Who Wants To Be A VJ” contest. It’s not everyday that someone with talent like Jesse Camp walks through your door and when he does, you better snatch him up.

Who can argue that MTV is not at the pinnacle of its existence? I know I speak for everyone when I say that I’m glad MTV got rid of all that weird programming like 120 Minutes and Headbangers Ball. That stuff was so not Backstreet!

Finally, I agree that it is SO important for MTV to show all those teenage half-naked girl singers. Young girls need good role models, and I know that it makes me happy when I think that all those girls who might have otherwise looked up to their mothers now have a real alternative. Doesn’t it make you happy to imagine your little sister singing, “Hit me baby one more time?”

Thanks, MTV, for making the world a better place for us confused, hormone-driven, future leaders of America. It’s good to have a real friend who won’t sell us out on our own problems just to make a profit.