For the past few weeks I have been busy exploring the job market, and like many other graduates, I have found the market to be unfriendly and sometimes harsh. So, instead of subjecting myself to the distress of the job search, I have decided on world domination after graduation.
By accomplishing this feat I can avoid the “real world” and gain the much desired work experience everybody expects college graduates to have before offering them jobs. Just picture the reaction you would get when you told perspective employers that you took control of the world after graduation. Now that would be a resume builder!
At this point, you conclude that I am not the brightest star in the sky, and to some extent I can see where you are coming from, but allow me to explain the method behind my madness.
I plan to start this domination at the local level. So, basically I am going to take over this university to begin my world order. It should not be too difficult considering my opposition is the chancellor, and he is not exactly the most popular person on this campus. I would explain exactly how I am going to accomplish this feat, but then I don’t want to give away all my secrets.
My next move, in a gesture of good faith, would be to return this university back to an educational institution designed to educate students, not erect buildings to satisfy my own ego.
With the university under my control, I will set out to take control of the state. How might you ask? Well, like the chancellor, the state isn’t too popular with the people either. I will release my economic plan that will, in a few years, correct the budgetary problems and create a better system for predicting the total revenues and expenditure.
In this same manner, I will take control of every state in the union, quietly of course. I mean there is no need to alarm anyone about my activities, I am only doing this to secure a better job in the future.
Next, I would turn my attention to Washington, D.C. The beauty behind taking over the federal government is not as difficult as it seems. I would just create a variety of interest groups to donate to campaign funds so I can influence the government. It seems to work well for other groups, and this way nobody would ever suspect my true intentions.
After I take control of this government, I will turn my attention the United Nations. And since I would have already taken control of the U.S. government, I can effectively bully the UN to do my bidding. Without the US involved, the UN will become more like the League of Nations, which ultimately failed.
Country by country, continent by continent, I will seize control of the world. Of course, I cannot do this alone. I have illicited some support, as you can tell, from the above graphic. Surprised, huh? Me too!
After domination, I think that I will come back to Cullowhee. Back to where it all began. I might even go to graduation to see if I made it into John Bardo’s successful graduates list he reads every graduation. Actually, I think that I would ask him to write a new speech. After six years and 18 graduations, you would think he could write a new speech. Maybe we don’t pay him enough. Oh well, I’ll just suffer again.
I’m sure by this time I will be bored with the whole ruler of the world thing and will have given the world back. My tenure, as ruler of the world, will hopefully have given me the experience needed to gain an entry level position from which I could work my way up through the job force and one day, a long time from now, retire to a quite and peaceful home.
Well, I must leave you now, after all I have a great deal of planning to do and so very little time to do it in. And if this ruler of the world thing doesn’t work out, and I never have the honor of ruler over you, please know that I have enjoyed this experience they call college, and if I can’t find work know that I will be applying to another college to defer my student loans.
Anyway, to all those leaving Cullowhee good luck, and I hope that some day you may be successful enough to make the Chancellor’s list of successful Western Graduates. Although that may be a dubious honor, at best.