Do we have to talk about it? Can I just say stupid things, grow facial hair, make poop jokes, and eat bacon? See, if I had a bad day I’d really just like to lie on the couch, pour the chips directly on to my stomach, turn on ESPN and watch the same SportsCenter I’ve already seen twice today. This type of behavior, though manly and awesome, is not meant to be, in any way, offensive to you. This may sound crazy to you ladies, but talking about things actually makes them so much worse for guys because it’s just tempting us to make a mistake. A wrong look or anything other than a strategically perfect comment has the ability to send us in a tailspin of trouble. Maybe a compromise? Maybe we can avoid those tricky questions while the male brain is distracted? I care about your problems, I swear, just not during Top Ten plays. Don’t make me remove the toilet seat.